You can change the way you feel, but should you?

When a salty mood takes over, it can be difficult to feel as though you have any control over it. You might attribute it to some external event (“she did this to me!”), or perhaps an internal event (“my hormones are making me crazy!”). You might even think the way you feel is thanks to some traumatic childhood event that’s been long-buried deep inside of you. Or even that your sour mood is justified because you really did experience a personal disappointment, injury or illness. I mean, doesn’t the struggling state of the world (unstable economy, unprecedented wide-spread discrimination, taxes, inflation, traffic, etc)  give us all reason enough to feel at least a little miserable?

All of these events have an effect - internal, external, past, present. However, this idea is based on the idea that what we feel is outside of our own control. If you really want to change the way you feel, you must first recognize the power you have. Realize that your thoughts and attitudes are what create your feelings - not the events. 

Let’s pause on this for a moment. Your thoughts and attitudes are what create your feelings - not the events. You can learn how to change the way you think, feel and behave. 

This is how cognitive behavioral therapy works; a “cognition” (thought) can lead you towards different feelings. If you want to break out of a negative mood or mindset, you must first connect the dots between your negative cognitions and the state of mind you find yourself in. 

The messages you give yourself have a massive impact on your emotions. For example, suppose someone you care for criticizes you. You might feel hurt, angry, or maybe even guilty or shameful. If you think they are looking down on you, you might feel anxious or worried that they might reject you. Or angry as you tell yourself “how dare they say such unfair things”. 

Alternatively, if you are in a healthy state of self-esteem you might extend curiosity towards them and make an effort to understand what they are thinking and feeling at that moment. 

Each of these “stories”, cognitions, thoughts we have shape how we ultimately feel.

CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy is based on the theory that it is distorted or negative thoughts that lead to unhealthy negative emotions like anxiety and depression. Realistic and constructive thoughts tend towards healthier, more positive feelings and emotions. 

I know what you are thinking. It sounds totally unrealistic to be happy all of the time. Just as it sounds totally unrealistic to be unhappy all of the time! 

There are times that negative feelings are healthy, and times that they aren’t. Self-esteem is based on humble humility and acceptance of our shortcomings, and patience for others’. This attitude or mindset makes it possible to assume responsibility for your own actions, to feel remorse, compassion, to apologize and make amends, and to get on with productive and joyous living. 

If you are tired of constantly feeling bad, or hearing others complain about how negative you are, or if you simply want to enhance the quality of your life by enhancing the way you think, feel and behave - then try this. 

See if you can catch yourself in the moment a negative cognition, thought, “story” comes up. Notice it. See if you can shift it, even a little bit. And if shifting it feels impossible, then simply notice how automatically the negative thought arose. That is the first step.

Feeling better is not only possible, but within your control. 

If you want to work with me to help you change the way you think, feel and behave - click here to schedule your free 15 minute consult.